An Ideal Personal Ad...

I managed to score a success with this, and am not currently looking. I decided I'd leave it up for perspective, though, and also because it offers a bit of insight into my rather deviant sexual and romantic interests...

SWGM, 24, 5-10, 170, junk-food junkie, music and music-maker fanatic with a shaved head looking for SGM, 25-45: no tweekers, no addicts, no alcoholics, no kids, no pets, no needs, no issues.

Cynical, introverted (ISTJ) white male, seeking same. I work as an office drone, appreciate the necessity of productive work, and have no interest in moochers or the voluntarily destitute. I enjoy music, and spend as much of my disposable income on it as I can (although computers and gadgets have been crowding the budget lately as well), so long as I can still afford to feed myself and dress myself in thrift-store fashions. I enjoy taking weekend trips around California - Favorite destinations include Monterey, Bakersfield, Sacramento and Bishop, and recently a budding interest in San Francisco. I neither attend nor tolerate dance nightclubs nor gay pride events nor any other activity or locale seen as precious and identity-making by the "gay community". I am not a part of it. I have a small group of close friends, who have proven to be far more enjoyable parts of my life than any 'romantic' or sexual relationship I've had thus far, and therefore I tend to put my friendship with them before any budding relationship. I also don't focus my whole life on other people, whether Platonically [sic] or romantically.

I am deeply appreciative of those who understand the psychology of my way of living and thinking, and I tend to form close bonds with those who have a similar outlook. My cynical and egotistical attitude often threatens to turn people off, but those are usually the people I am purposefully trying to avoid anyway. I get along well with productive, creative and talented people, especially local musicians, music-lovers and fellow cynics. I like technology. I watch a lot of TV, do a lot of Net-surfing, and listen to a lot of music, but also have been known to pick up a book now and then. I own and unapologetically watch porn, and read dirty stories or magazines rather often. I don't think that music or TV shows or movies are bad just because I know 10 other people who like them. I also don't modify any of my opinions when informed of the opinions of anyone else, regardless of how prominent that person may be in my life. I don't have any moral problems with Microsoft, Burger King, Wal-Mart or the Gap. I judge products and companies by their quality and profitability, not strictly by the size of their market-share (which is also why I don't buy all that much from Microsoft, Burger King, Wal-Mart or the Gap).

I am not a vegetarian, nor a health fanatic, nor a politically correct post-college clone. I have very strong philosophical ideas and corresponding political views. I enjoy discussing them, but do not want to be convinced that Iím wrong, nor will I try to ëconvertí someone. I make my case and finish with it there (thouh I've been known to reiterate for clarity). I live alone and have no desire to change that in the near future. I like living in Fresno because itís cheap and easy. My hermit-like life does not necessitate that I live in a big ëcultural centerí. I love to cook, mostly Italian and German, but prefer to reserve my cooking skills for special occasions (along witht he fact that I have an increadibly sub-par cooker). I take most of my meals from Mom-and-Pop taco stands and diners, as well as fast-food and burgers. Iím not needy when it comes to relationships. I prefer a "friend with benefits" rather than a "spouse", "boyfriend" or "lover". When I think of the word "partner", I think of a marketing research term, not a person.

I think Iím best suited to accessorize the life of another, and thus look for the same. Although the potential for a long-term relationship is a strong motivating factor, I do not make compromises just to keep a relationship going, nor do I tolerate imbalances in emotional or physical commitment. I try to make it abundantly clear what Iím after at all times, and expect the same. Communication is the most important thing in any relationship, whether friendly, romantically or family, and honesty is the most important communication tool. I can always tell when there is a lack of adequate communication or the withholding of any issues. In any case where I feel uncomfortable, I Get Outta Dodge.

If you're just looking for a romp in the sack, I'm fine with that, but the more anonymous an encounter is, the more judgemental I'll be of your looks and the less likely I'll be to give a repeat performance. Requested age range: 25-45. Iím not a stickler for body types, but I get quickly annoyed with health fanatics. I occasionally watch what I eat, and try to have a few vegetables or vitamins in order to avoid going blind or having to buy a new wardrobe, but my definition of "bad for you" is restricted to plane crashes, serial killers and N*SYNC. Don't even try to talk about how much time you spent at the gym today - I won't care. Depending upon how shallow I feel, I prefer bodies on the chunkier, taller side, who aren't preoccupied with perfection. Excessive piercings or genital piercings are a big turn-off for me. I don't mind it if you have a safe and simple fetish, so long as you understand that I may not share it. Don't even think of subjecting me to pain or using your excrement as a plaything. I don't do butt sex. The more anonymous something is, the less likely I am to do oral sex. I appreciate the group thing, occasionally. I don't really go out of my way for sex, if that's all it's gonna be. I don't mind public sex, but I'm put off by sex clubs, back rooms and bath houses - back seats are much better.

I despise anyone who rattles off pre-recorded cliches or whose entire world view is restricted to what was on TV the past week. If you've found any contradictions in any of the above, I can only say "revisit your assumptions". Explore the rest of my page if you need more info. Iím not a fan of real personals; even though Iíve used them, theyíve always had disappointing results. I donít really expect more from this one, but at least I have more control over it. In most cases where Iím disappointed, itís usually because those who apply didnít even read the whole thing.